Are you very worried about what others think of you, and are you afraid of being rejected? You may be a community-oriented perfectionist or a person who believes that others expect them to behave or act in a certain way.

We hear the word “perfectionist” a lot, and it sounds so tangible and understandable to us that it makes us feel anxious and inadequate.

According to one study, the number of perfectionists increased between 1989 and 2016 [+].

But did you know that there are actually three types of perfectionism? TAre you very worried about what others think of you, and are you afraid of being rejected? You may be a community-oriented perfectionist or a person who believes that others expect them to behave or act in a certain way.

Self-centered perfectionism

Self-centered perfectionism means expecting the best from yourself. “Some of the signs of self-centered perfectionism are feeling overwhelmed, overwhelmed, or feel that you have far less success than you do,” says Emily Simonian, a family and marriage therapist. She specializes in self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. “It is the expectations you have of yourself.”

This situation can be very frustrating because it still does not seem to be enough even if you do your best. “This kind of perfectionism can lead to very high productivity levels.” He says. they do.”

How to solve this problem?

If you nod your head in approval after reading the paragraphs above, you need tools to help you. First, take a step back and pause before you get too carried away with your work.

“If you find yourself suffocating with work pressure, ask any part of your life where you can step back and ask others for help,” says Simonian. “Practicing self-care and having a balance in life that includes social and recreational activities can help.”

Then practice self-compassion. “Practice the words that distinguish your behavior from who you are: ‘I do not like that I could not exercise today, but I have a healthy life, and if I do not exercise one day, it will not happen.”

Another-oriented perfectionism

You may not have heard of other-oriented perfectionism, but you have experienced it at school or work. This perfectionism is when you think, “Everyone around you should behave in a certain way, and when they do not meet your expectations, you become upset and sad.”

He adds that this kind of perfectionism is based on unrealistic assumptions that can lead to conflict. “If you expect or assume that people will always have to think and act the way you do or do things the way you like, then you may create a judgmental environment that is clumsy, dissatisfied, and overwhelmed,” explains Simonian. “Emotional pain makes it difficult for both parties to maintain a relationship.”

How to solve this problem?

If you are an other-oriented perfectionist and this kind of perfectionism is destroying your relationship, try to understand more about others. “A great exercise for empathy and understanding for others is to answer the previous question very seriously,” says Simonian.

He gives an example: “If you are upset that your spouse never takes off his shoes from behind, one of the potential reasons could be that he is tired after a long day at work, which, if you give yourself this answer, it will be easier to ignore this behavior; “Or it may not just be as clean and tidy as you, which is still not a problem.”

“After that, you can practice gratitude and mindfulness,” says Simonian. “Make a list and write down all the good things that the person you want has on it. “Mindfulness helps you increase your relationship satisfaction by focusing on subtle pleasures instead of expecting too much from others.”

Community-oriented perfectionism

Are you very worried about what others think of you, and are you afraid of being rejected? You may be a community-oriented perfectionist or a person who believes that others expect them to behave or act in a certain way. “It’s natural to care about the thoughts of others, but for perfectionists, it’s essential to have the opinions and approval of others,” says Simonian.

“The signs of social-oriented perfectionism are apparent. “It is as if one wants to appear so intelligent, attractive or dominant in the eyes of others, etc., that one’s self-confidence and sense of self-worth are affected.”

In other words, the self-image or self-image you have of yourself comes from the way others think about you. “These people generally believe they are good enough only when others perceive them as good enough,” says Simonian.

How to solve this problem?

To avoid getting caught up in the vortex of these thoughts, you need to strengthen your cheerful inner voice. Simonian advises people to list their strengths, positive traits, and accomplishments that help them take pride in themselves. “If this list is hard to come by, you can add neutral achievements,” he says.

Be aware that your concerns may be unfounded. “Is there any evidence to prove that others are judging you or that you think you are not good enough?” Says Simonian. “Often, when you think about the answer to this question, you realize that your perception has no real basis.”

You can compare the stories you keep telling yourself with unbiased facts. Simonyan gives an example: “My boss did not tell me that I was not doing my job well. The truth is that my boss praised my work last week.”

Your inevitable destiny is not to remain a perfectionist
Tips like these will help you feel less complicated over time. “A perfectionist may want to achieve a ‘great victory’ very quickly to break the trap of perfectionism,” says Simonian. “But small steps are key. … Improvement is achieved through practice.”

Simonian advises his clients to focus on small things and things and make measurable changes. He advises you to enjoy the route in this way. “Remember to enjoy the climb, not the view from the top.”